i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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