he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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