And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize