Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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