yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
