WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
