if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
