When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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