why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
