We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
