If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm bleeding and have questions
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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