Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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