Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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