Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
