You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
