You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
