2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This is not my ceiling
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize