u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
