my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
ttyl tear gas
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
