Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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