My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
