the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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