Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize