she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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