when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I love you.
Bad choice
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
