I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
