There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize