i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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