Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
