i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
