I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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