At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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