You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
