obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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