a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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