i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
