I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
