I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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