I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
