Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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