Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
