I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
