She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
