bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
