let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
