i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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