Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
