Farmville is her only friend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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