conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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