What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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