oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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