watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
