I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
