She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
only you would photoshop your dick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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