seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
