God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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