brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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