i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
