Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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