doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
