I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
