margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
