i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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