You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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