You don't have asthma, your pregnant
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
