I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
