well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
