would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
