I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
