The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
