he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
