Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
