Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
