So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize