Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
