i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's blow job season.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
