i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
