my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
