the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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