did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My cat gives me a boner
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
