It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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