My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
