You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize