I hate your face
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
