I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
