That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
