i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
