Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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