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Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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