A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
